My own personal quest to find the truth about God started early in life. It was about the time when I first understood that I, along with everyone else in the world, would someday die. I certainly wasn’t a child prodigy with an advanced intellect that caused me to ponder the profound questions about life and spirituality. It was just that, I grasped early-on what was obvious: that because our lives here on earth are finite, then the questions of whether God is real and whether there truly is an afterlife are vitally important for determining how we would live-out our short time here in this world. 

When I was really young, there wasn’t much to think about on these questions. I believed in God because my parents told me to. But by the time I was eleven or twelve, I started to question everything, including what I had been told — not just about God – but Christianity, the afterlife, and nearly everything else related to religion. It wasn’t that I suddenly rejected it all. It’s just that the explanations that my mom and dad had given me were no longer making sense, or at least weren’t complete. I struggled with questions like: 

• If God created the universe, then who created God?
• If nobody created God, then that means he had to always exist. How is that possible? Everything has to have a starting point.
• Why did God even create us? Are we just characters in God’s latest movie, here for his amusement?
• And how could God be in the room with us right now, watching us, listening to us, and paying attention to everything we’re doing while, at the same time, doing that for the other billions of people on earth? We know God’s a good multitasker but, I mean, come on . . . 

At some point, I came to realization that there are some things that we’ll just never have complete answers to, at least in this lifetime. But as long as we believe in an all-powerful God who truly loves us, then we can live with some degree of uncertainty. However, this does beg the most important question that everyone must answer for themselves: does God exist?

Of course, humankind has been struggling with that question since we were shivering in the dark hoping that some smart person would hurry up and discover fire. But, starting when I was a preteen, I was determined to answer that question for myself. So I began my quest to find God, if indeed he was out there. And it wasn’t just an academic curiosity — I needed to know the answer.

 I began by going straight to the source, you know, the Big Guy upstairs. I got on my knees and asked God to show me a sign to prove to me that he was real. In fact, I begged him. I made clear that I wasn’t looking for anything spectacular. The skies didn’t need to open up, and the angels didn’t need to come cascading down from the clouds while the heavenly choir belted out “How Great Thou Art.” I would have been satisfied with a modest little miracle — just something that couldn’t happen without some divine intervention. Something like a robin perched outside my bedroom window telling me in plain English that God was real and not just a make-believe character developed to get people to behave. I prayed, “Come on, God, just one little talking bird? Is that really asking too much?”

I upped the ante by offering God a deal: “Please, please, PLEASE just give me a sign that you exist and I promise I’ll be the perfect Christian for the rest of my life. I’ll honor my father and mother (even when they’re being total jerks to me). I won’t make wax fingertips with the melted tops of the candles during Good Friday services. And, when I’m serving as altar boy, I promise I won’t incinerate any more flies in the priest’s incense burner.” I’m not sure what made me think God would choose to reveal himself to little ol’ me. I think I believed that if I pleaded often and hard enough, he would see how sincere I was and grant my request, kind of like Linus and the Great Pumpkin. My sincerity would win him over so he would choose my pumpkin patch — or, in this case, my bedroom — to make a brief personal appearance. Unfortunately, that never happened.

When it became obvious that I was not going to be able to order personalized proof from God, I opted for a more tried-and-true approach. I started praying more regularly and making an effort to pay closer attention to what my priest and Sunday school teachers said. I also did something I had never really done before: I cracked open my Bible. 

Although I found much of what I read tough to understand, I remember stumbling upon one passage that spoke to me in a big way: “Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened for you” (Matthew 7:7). Well, that seemed pretty clear, right there in black and white. God seemed to be making a promise to anyone who searches for him. Just make the effort, reach out, and God will take you by the hand and let you know he’s with you.

From that point on, I was even more committed to finding God. And, although I never did get a talking bird in my window, I believe God did reveal himself to me. The signs I received were subtle, but real, and came at different points in my life and in various ways. Sometimes I felt God’s presence when I witnessed some extraordinary act of human kindness. In those moments, I felt acutely aware that human beings are biologically wired for self-interest, self-preservation and survival — just like all other members of the animal kingdom. So when I saw someone do something that was completely selfless and motivated by nothing but pure love or compassion for another human being, it served as a sign to me that God exists and somehow lives in our hearts and is at work in our less-than-perfect world.

Sometimes I would witness something that previously seemed unremarkable, like the birth of a baby. But I viewed it in a completely different light, and could clearly see God’s hand in it. A perfect example is when my children were born. In that moment, it was crystal clear to me that their creation was nothing short of a miracle. I had long understood the scientific explanation for how babies are created in a process that involves fallopian tubes, chromosomes, fertilization, zygotes, blah, blah, blah. But when I first looked into the eyes of our twins, Coco and Christopher, I could see with laser-sharp clarity that the scientific explanation didn’t tell the whole story. The idea that these conscious beings could be created from a bunch of hydrocarbons without the intervention of an all-powerful, all-knowing, and loving Creator was simply illogical — it just couldn’t happen.

Other times, however, I turned my back on my faith and let my life go completely off the rails. In those times, when I hit rock bottom and felt the most empty and without hope, I felt the very real presence of God lifting me up in his arms, taking me out of harm’s way, and setting me back on the path toward a safe and joyful existence.

That tells you just a bit about my own faith journey. I included this testimony in the first chapter of my book, The Bible: Enter Here. I did so because I felt it was important for my readers to know that I am indeed a true believer in God. It frames the way I see the world and, of course, my view of the familiar Bible stories and teachings that I wrote about. Admittedly, there still are moments when I have my doubts; I believe everyone does. But my doubting moments most often come when I let the distractions of the world divert my attention from the Lord. That’s when I know I need to get back on my knees and knock on the door all over again. And, sooner or later, the door reopens. 

So if you haven’t already done so, you must decide whether you are ready to embark on your own spiritual journey and seek, and ultimately embrace, our Heavenly Father and our savior, Jesus Christ. If you do, God certainly will fulfill his promise and reveal himself to you. He probably won’t send a talking bird to perch on your windowsill, but he will make himself known to you in his own time and in his own way. And when he does, it will change your life forever. 

It all begins with you: asking, seeking, knocking.

In love and faith,
Spencer